I am currently facing a dilemma that I am fairly confident nearly every emigrant or long-term expat has faced at some point or another: when to book my next trip home and how to cope with the realization that those trips home are inevitably becoming less frequent. (Getting out of the habit of referring to North Carolina as "home" is another dilemma, which really warrants another post).
When I first moved to the U.K., I promised myself I would go back to the States at least once a year. It was sort of my way of easing the guilt I felt at moving so far away from my family. For the first few years, I kept that promise; a couple of times, I even managed to make it back twice in one year. Now, with two children, that is becoming less and less of a reality -- until we win the lottery, of course (and I'm not holding my breath for that). I suppose it's inevitable, especially when both girls are in school. Holidays will have to be strategically planned around school breaks, which are, of course, the most expensive times to travel. And, not to sound selfish, but sometimes we're just going to feel like using one of those breaks to go on a proper family holiday -- just the four of us -- which is what I am contemplating for next summer. (I'm thinking of a beach somewhere in the Mediterranean.)
Right now I have to decide whether to go back in October on my own with the two girls or wait until February when The Other Half can join us. Both options have their pros and cons. If I go back in October, that means I'll be on my own with both girls on an international flight for the first time. But I don't think it will be as bad as I initially feared. Crumpet is at an age where she can easily amuse herself with a sticker book or my iPad, and (touch wood) Cupcake is much better at getting herself to sleep on her own than Crumpet ever was (or is). Plus, as a friend pointed out, she'll still be relatively immobile, which is good for traveling at this age. If we wait till February, I'll (maybe) have The Other Half's help, but I won't really be able to relax while we're there since I'll be stressing out about going back to work at the end of the month and sorting out childcare (another blog post in the making). So October seems to be the best choice in that regard. But if we go back in October, it's very likely we won't get back to the States at all next year, but I guess that's just an inevitability I will have to face sooner or later.
This may all seem very trivial to some people, but it does occupy a fair part of most emigrants' minds. A former colleague once told me that, as teachers, we're always wishing time away because we're always looking towards the next break; I couldn't agree more, but I think the same can be said for many emigrants or expats. I find myself planning holidays or visits a year or two in advance in order to maximize our time with my family without minimizing our time to ourselves.
My family is wonderfully supportive of me and my life here in England. Sure, they'd love it if we lived closer, but they certainly don't begrudge the fact that we don't. I grew up 3,000 miles away from one set of grandparents and 1,000 miles from another. In those days, long-distance calls were a big deal -- a special treat -- so we were lucky if we got to speak to them once a month. We saw them maybe once a year, if that. Technology has made it possible for Crumpet and Cupcake to see their grandparents (and aunt and uncle and cousin) virtually every day, and my parents' yearly visits (I don't exactly have to twist their arms to come to London) mean we get to see them in person every five or six months. Still, Skype isn't quite the same as popping in unannounced for a cup of tea and a chat.
5 comments:
This is why we likely won't have a third child, because we go back to the UK to visit my husbands family every year and I just don't think we can afford plane tickets for 5 every year back and forth! I completely understand.
Yes, paying for 4 is expensive enough. Luckily, we're still at the stage where Cupcake will go for free (technically, although we still pay taxes for her). We also have enough miles to get two free adult tickets. But I know that the first time we have to pay full price for all 4 of us will be a shock to the system.
I can somewhat relate as well...I only live 3 hours away from my parents, but there are times it is six weeks or more before I see them. As the kids get older, it is becoming more difficult to travel outside of the summertime. My mom and I had this discussion recently...my parents are contemplating moving. I haven't seen my brother in over a year and my sister-in-law in 2 1/2 years. Here's to hoping it gets a little easier...perhaps I need to put a trip to London on my calendar too ;).
Yes, I think you do too! :)
It is hard, and your situation proves the point that even if we lived in the U.S. we might not see my family any more -- unless we lived in the same town, whichis highly unlikely if we ever do move back.
The converse dilemma is how to explain to grandparents that yes you do have a free weekend, but you'd like to spend it together and not driving to see them.
Ensuring that maternal and paternal grandparents get their fair share of grandchild time is a bit of a juggling act. Of course when you've flown halfway round the world to see them it's all about them and their special time.
I only saw my grandmother and aunts and uncles once every few years as they all lived in another country and it made our time with them extra special.
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